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[Music]

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these gets hard news I demand that this

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insanity beast I yeah all right this is

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the part of the show I think where I

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read on some headlines and you guys let

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me know we want to talk about you're not

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sure about this been doing this for a

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long time you must know this it's been a

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while it feels like we've been on

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vacation for like two months damn sorry

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I there's there's there's going to be

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like an Amy Winehouse incident if I

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don't have to go back to work soon bad

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well you got to make it through new

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years eve and then you have monday off

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that's a national holiday then tuesday

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you can crawl back to work oh I I do

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have a couple headlines here that are

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outside the realm of the traditional

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headlines here this is a special Mike

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headline here conspiracy weird headline

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[\h__\h] right no killing I do Hulu this is

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happening all right then all right this

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is some some weird headlines here

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scientists plan to send greetings to

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other worlds by the end of 2018 the

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project aims to send some conversation

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starters via radio or laser signal to

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rocky planets circling Proxima Centauri

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there they go we're not waiting to hear

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back from anybody we're gonna go ahead

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and send the hello out to these

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[\h__\h] hey how are you doing we

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live here please come and blanket blank

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are blank yeah hi are you doing it'll

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basically be like the exact same you

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know you're saying some stuff we did

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last week and uh Hanson vs predator has

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like seven episodes out we gotta start

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cruising those episodes and pull some

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new satellites are you a virgin I was so

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nothing aliens well as one who's your

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don't know if it's a good idea to be

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sending messages like that knows we have

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some kind of interplanetary defense

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system mmhmm yeah I mean I guess you

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have ICBMs but if they can make it here

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I nukes probably won't really faze him

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what if we're just asking this though

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you on birth control and then we'll wait

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wait 25 years here reply if it chose I

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like that because that shows that you're

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sensitive that you care about the their

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offspring and that you want them to you

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know have a say I I really like that

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that's the message you want to send it

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says we are a peaceful people you got

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toys yeah thing yeah if you if you

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answer the birth control question in the

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affirmative at toys is the next question

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[\h__\h] me I don't know if we will send

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that to them it takes three yeah I do

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not want that she's ass I don't know

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that make sense my son too many ways

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yeah like I'm not [\h__\h] on you no

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[\h__\h] on me the only way I can go all

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right okay fine I'm cheating on you all

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right this next headline here follows

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right up with that scientists pick up

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deep space signals which could prove

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aliens are trying to contact humanity

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scientists may have found proof that et

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really is phoning home in a form of a

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form of powerful radio signals which

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have been detected repeatedly in the

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same exact location in space so there we

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go we're sending signals out and now

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we're getting signals back they're

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trying they're trying to tell us

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something this this comes from the Sun

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UK the previous one was from physics

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door sighs our org they're trying to

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tell us something they're sending like

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contact at least through radio waves and

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radio telescopes is going to be is right

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around the corner GTFO what's that kids

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are get the [\h__\h] out yeah yeah kind of

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kind of with

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and your tits aliens we don't care about

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your dumb math whatever how bigger your

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genitals yeah that isn't it yeah we

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can't have him here if they're if

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they're size sizable I don't want them

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here it's more competition I'm already

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having enough difficulty okcupid I don't

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need to compete with a bunch of dangers

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yeah if I can't dick swinging aliens

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yeah eight inches they could shape-shift

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and make their dicks bigger just to get

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you to look sadder to the lad yeah I

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don't need that [\h__\h] um and then I'd you

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have a few more headlines here that a

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little bit more interesting is this

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proof of life on Mars NASA rover

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discovers a large spoon on the red

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planet's surface now you look at this

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this looks like a [\h__\h] red spoon you

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guys look at this up at this any of this

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lack I'm looking at right now I think

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it's probably because they're doing all

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these shots in Nevada where we have the

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Trinity test I jerk off [\h__\h] we check

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the spoon god damn it [\h__\h] Todd left

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his goddamn beans out there [\h__\h] he's

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always with the pudding he's eating

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pudding and jello cereal anything with a

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spoon but look at that that looks like a

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spoon and then there's a second picture

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a little bit below it of another shape

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that looks like a spoon that does look

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very spooning I don't know what to say

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about this well I rid of Mars you can

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just grab a spoon off the surface and

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don't growing a pair visas aliens

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littering there's flying by throwing

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spoons out the window what if it was

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just that but like Mars was populated by

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just a bunch of homeless people and

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they're all eating beans out of a can

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because they're one [\h__\h] else to do they

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all shared the same spoon yeah we got

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one spoon line up everyone's using this

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one spoon is the family spoon and the

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guy who held

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spoon this is from a civilization on

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earth that came before our civilization

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we always think that we're like the

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civilization but there's probably a

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civilization that happened before and so

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then these get this was the spoon you go

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I had to hold the spoon to talk and then

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everybody got to share the spoon when

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they ate their beans under the bridge on

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Mars make sense to me is as good as

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serious any now let's seize your spoons

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left by the Martian slaves do we read

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about look at look at that that's a

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goddamn spoon on Mars it looks like it's

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like the squirrel or the mouse or

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whatever it does it does you can't help

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but see that I know the I wants to see

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what wants to see and we have you no

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preconceived notions of what we're

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looking at like seeing like faces and

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clouds but this is a [\h__\h] spoon going

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on I don't know that's that that's a

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tough one man maybe it is maybe it is a

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stage maybe this is like like in you

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know last year we talked about the the

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NASA rover being taken to a place I

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believed somewhere like just north of

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Nova Scotia and that's what they're

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doing they're filming for the net in the

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NASA rover hours are over across someone

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did like just a comparison of like the

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hilltop and everything we did a video

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about that last year it looks that's

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compelling photographic evidence to like

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that they're staging some [\h__\h] hmm I

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don't know what are we paying money for

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here people I i think it's a it's a good

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money well spent obviously if I guess if

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NASA wants more money why wouldn't it

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it's a yes this is a spoon we need more

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money to get my work days nice they need

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forks and knives and how they pay when

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they get there i don't know but i would

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say that look this is obviously a

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evidence of a civilization long gone and

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we need more money yeah Soundgarden

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can't even perform on that planet until

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we find out what this really is

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[Music]

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joke jail spoonman I get a yes please

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right what is all this stuff apparently

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space trash Alex yacht tell you what I

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told Eric yesterday we went and saw that

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disney movie Moana or whatever and that

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whole morning I was like oh my god I've

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done like nothing but drink play video

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games the whole time I fair in fairness

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I did put 40 bags and leaves out in the

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yard but I you um so yeah you've been

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lady you did say that you did see

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another crappy Disney movie um which I

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wasn't by the way I cried like four or

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five times through the whole movie like

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depending on the certain seems I'm such

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a baby I'll i cried it Lord of the Rings

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the First Lord of the Rings movie at the

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end I was crying through that movie I

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thought it was brilliant I thought it

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was very imaginative um if i told you

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about some of the concepts that come up

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in that movie like so this happens and

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then this happens and you'd be like wait

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so that there's a character like that

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like there's stuff in the movie that I

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was like this is a really solid Disney

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movie I really enjoyed it you said you

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saw lost our Wars rug one would you

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think thing big big recommend on that

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it's pretty guys in it it's but i would

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say arguably better than the JJ Abrams

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per movie oh yeah by like five times his

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way better I haven't seen it yeah nice

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assume it's better because JJ's just

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redid the a new hope again yeah actually

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have a little sample of clip from the

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new Star Wars movie right here here dddd

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dddd stick date to date deeds there it

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is pretty good huh yeah they do they go

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back to the cantina bar on Tatooine for

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like a little cameo it's a big deal and

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then Alex Jones is there before the

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aliens get there he was legs in there

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he's actually in a cantina doing like

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acapella stuff yeah and then Jedi

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approaches I'm nacim what's he doing

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here he says he wanted a music mojo do a

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music video and then he sees I think

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Lando Calrissian

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up to him in says go into hip-hop

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because he's black okay oh it's a whole

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racist thing and then I'll Jones feels

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pretty bad about himself in the lowest

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form of crap beating himself up in the

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bathroom yeah but then he's in the

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bathroom he does a bunch of uh but your

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coconut takes off all of his clothes my

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you know my underwear I mean it's pretty

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cookie it's all happening in his

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underwear and the stars in teen of our

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bath junga he's running around saying

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huh Kagome jung dongha taking people

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lightsabers and slashing them run around

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telling people he's not their father not

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true that's impossible yeah he was order

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a drink from Luke Skywalker and they

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chopped his hand off yeah Alex Jones

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doesn't have a lightsaber he just has a

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beer bottle and he says this yeah there

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are lightsabers turned on at least okay

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space carry that you want to throw up